The Paternal Optimist

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The Boy Wonder And Mr Hyde

So, it's Sunday evening and all across the land people are preparing themselves for the return to the humdrum routine that Monday morning will bring...

Well, some people are.

Not the Boy Wonder, though.

Oh, no. Marooned as he is, half way through a break now so long that not even Hogwarts dares refer to it as "Half Term" anymore, preferring instead to call it the "Michaelmas Holiday", it is doubtful whether the BW even realises that tomorrow will be a Monday. To him, every day truly is like Sunday.

Not that the PO begrudges him his rest, you understand. After all, only a complete fool could have spent last weekend in the company of the BW and not realised that the poor boy was exhausted, wiped out, knackered.

Which is understandable, given the intensity of his life during term-time : school six days a week; regular orchestra practices and other musical activities; prep - LOTS of prep; late nights up playing on the Playstation. And to be fair to the lad, he's come up with the goods and delivered everything that's been asked of him, as his latest report confirms.

Or does it ???

Well, OK, yes it does. After all, it would be churlish indeed not to give praise to a boy who has earned himself a 7 CD report (11 minus 4, as the number of subjects reported has risen to 15 this year - see here for a reminder of the rules), featuring no fewer than four 1As (Maths, Latin, Music, and - for the first time - Art) and two 1Bs (Greek and Chemistry), and which
features many, many words of commendation. It is, as we have come to expect from the BW an outstanding report.

But - and more sensitive readers will long ago have guessed that there was a "but" - what this report does not do is bring us any closer to understanding the riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma that is the Boy Wonder.

Take the following comments from various of the Hogwarts Dedicated Professionals entrusted with the responsibility of filling his head with useful stuff :

Biology : Very good in class, keen to contribute.

English : An impressive public speaker, a fluent reader and an effective contributor in class discussion.

History : A thoughtful member of the set, and contributes ably to discussion.

RS : Enjoys contributing to class discussion.

Now compare those observations, noting, of course, the recurrent theme that runs through them, with this comment :

Greek : Working with his usual quiet confidence, but beginning to participate more in class now.

And finally, attempt to reconcile them with the following :

French : Remains a shy pupil. Must try to participate more in class.

Now, it may be, of course, that to Hogwarts DPs the words contribute and participate mean two completely different things. (And, technically, they do. But that's not the point.) Or it may be that the BW, being a humble, modest sort of fellow, is deliberately holding back in French and Greek so as not to hog the limelight and give the other chaps an opportunity to shine.

Or it may just be that, as he walks into the classroom for certain subjects he transforms into a lion, while for others he becomes a mouse...

Curiouser and curiouser.

My Family And Other Animals

If you're a regular reader here, you probably think that the PO's world revolves around the Boy Wonder. And you'd be right.

There are, nevertheless, moments when it only seems right to shift the spotlight, albeit briefly, away from the Wondrous One (most of whose time is currently being spent, it seems, in rescuing damsons [sic] in distress and poking sticks at sheep lying on their backs to see whether they're dead or just gazing at the clouds) and towards some of the only marginally less wondrous characters that people the PO's world.

Like the Lovebirds, for example, who have recently moved into a compact and bijou house in idyllic Carshalton, situated in the Wandle valley, a full ten miles south-south-west of Charing Cross. Carshalton was listed amongst the assets of Geoffrey de Mandeville in the Domesday Book under the name Aulton, and, having visited the Lovebirds there last weekend, the PO can confirm that very little has changed since the following description was written :

"[...] There is a church; and 7 slaves; and 12 acres of meadow. [...] In demesne there is one plough; and (there are) 3 villens and one cottar with three ploughs; and a mill worth 35 shillings; and 3 slaves; and 10 acres of meadow. Wood worth 2 hogs. The land is for two ploughs. In the time of king Edward it was worth 4 pounds, and afterwards 40s, and now 110 shillings. Of the same hides a certain smith of the King’s has half a hide, which in the time of king Edward he received with his wife, but he has never done any service for it."

Then there are the Guitar Hero and his Songstress. You may remember that earlier this year the PO reported the exciting news that one of the songs by their band, Headlights, had been used on the soundtrack of an episode of hit TV show Grey's Anatomy (unfortunately the link to the video no longer works). Well, this Monday night, the PO was sitting in his armchair here in Switzerland, watching Grey's Anatomy when - lo and behold! - the unmistakable sound of the Songstress' heavenly voice began to float across the room.

Unable to contain his excitement, the PO immediately called his Favourite Aunt, who gave him a breathless update on everything Our American Cousins are up to (and, in passing, extended an invitation from the Medic to her graduation ceremony, which if the PO's calculations are correct, will take place two years from now), including two very exciting pieces of news about Headlights:

• First, the band's first album is out now and available here (the PO's copy, which would appear to have been the last copy left at Amazon UK, is already winging its way to Geneva now); and
• Second, the band will be on tour in Europe early next year - meaning that, with a bit of luck, the PO will get to see them perform live in some mega-stadium in Germany before he emigrates to sultrier climes at the end of February.

Exciting times indeed.

Niceties

The PO suspects there must be times when visitors here wonder whether this site was not created with the sole and unique purpose of spreading misinformation - not to say disinformation - regarding the activities of the Boy Wonder. What can the PO say or do, other than adopt a cowering, cowardly pose and stammer from behind trembling hands raised to protect his tear-drenched face ?

"P-p-p-please.... p-please, d-d-don't sh-sh-sh-oot the m-m-m-mess-ss-enger!!"

You see, a news service can only ever be as good as its sources. And every once in a while the PO's primary source can be, well, a touch on the unreliable side.

Which explains the following corrections :

• The BW will not, in fact, be rowing over the next two terms, although he is planning to lodge an appeal against his non-retention by the rowing selectors.
• Nor will the BW be playing the solo part in a concert performance of a Mozart piano concerto at Hogwarts on November 23rd
• In fact, on November 23rd he will be participating in a Mozart piano concerto masterclass with Jeremy Menuhin
• The concert performance of the Mozart will take place "er, some time in March, I think"

Naturally, all of the above remains subject to confirmation, modification, cancellation, repudiation and general ridicule.

In the meantime, just about the only thing of which the PO can be certain is that the BW accompanied Mrs MOP and Young Mr Hoskins on Friday night to an evening featuring the "square and squeaky sketches" of this year's Cambridge Footlights. Among the sketches that caught the BW's imagination were one involving Andy Murray and Tim Henman, and another making fun of the "sad people that go on forums on the web" (a category which the PO would like to stress clearly does NOT include bloggers, who are not sad at all).

When asked whether he might be interested in doing something similar one day, the BW replied "Yes, maybe. I kind of prefer that kind of subtle humour."

Subtle humour ? Sounds like the PO had better pull his socks up.

Return Of The Boy Wonder

So, the Boy Wonder is back.

Or rather, the Paternal Optimist is back. You may not have noticed that he was ever away, but he was - doing manly things, like getting massages, writing poetry and going to the opera.

As for the Boy Wonder, he's not so much back as - Back At School !

Yes, hard though it may be to believe, given that the sun is still shining, the leaves are still on the trees, and the cricket season is not yet over, Hogwarts pupils have been back, hard at it, working on their readin', 'ritin' 'n' 'rith'm'atick' [That's enough apostrophes. Ed.] for a week already.

The BW is apparently now in the Third Form, which, he assures the PO, is the Second Division to the Second Form's Conference. Or something like that. In any case, he would appear to have taken the step-up into his ever-lengthening stride, as is his wont.

PO : "So, what have you done this week, then ?"

BW : "Mostly just picked up the books I need for the new year."

PO : "For a whole week ?"

BW : "Hmmm."

He did, when pushed, confess to being slightly thrown by the fact that last year's Latin DP is now teaching him Greek, while her colleague, who last year taught him Greek, is now educating him in the language of Julius Caesar. Or maybe it was the other way round. Anyway, he casually mentioned in passing that they both write the word "commendation" in the same way on his work, so there can't be too much to worry about.

So, apart from the trauma of having different teachers from last year for every subject, it would seem that the new term has started quietly for the BW. He has extra homework, of course - an hour and a half every night, now - which, as he commented wryly, when combined with six o'clock finishes on most days, plus an hour's piano and viola practice (the PO is sure the Mother Superior will verify the accuracy that piece of information), "doesn't leave much personal time".

PO : "Then again, terms at Hogwarts only last six weeks."

BW : "Hmmm."

The other novelty this term is that the BW has taken up rowing. At the trials this week he was not amongst those pupils able to generate the greatest wattage with a few arm-only pulls on the ergometer. But when they were asked to row for a minute, his leg length and famous stamina came into play. As he put it, "Everyone else was puffed, but I felt fine." He'll now be rowing three times a week this term, instead of rugby, which should ensure that those cherubic looks last a little longer (until he starts getting into drunken bar-fights, for example, or gets caught by the horrific St Andrews teenager-creating face morpher).

Finally, a quick update on the musical front...

First, confirmation that the BW's masterclass went exceptionally well - he particularly enjoyed his sessions with up-and-coming Czech pianist, Libor Novacek. A recording of the BW's performance in the end-of-week concert (as predicted, he went for the Schubert impromptu in the end) will be posted here as soon as the PO receives his copy.

Second, the date of the BW's debut as a soloist in a concerto is tentatively confirmed as Thursday November 23rd. He was not entirely sure when he discussed the matter with the PO earlier this evening, but said that the Hogwarts concert programme for this term shows on that day "Mozart concerti" - "That's the posh plural of concerto", he added helpfully - and believes that this includes him. The PO will, of course, provide definitive information just as soon as he has it, so watch this space.

Well Done, Dearie

The Mother Superior reports that she has been to visit the Boy Wonder, who is currently on a residential piano masterclass. Apparently, he's still fighting to try to subdue the Beethoven piano sonata he's been working on, and may decide to perform a Schubert impromptu instead during the traditional concert at the end of the week. Whatever he decides to play, his performance will of course be recorded and posted here just as soon as the PO can lay his hands on a copy.

These courses are hard work, and can take a lot out of young lad. Things can't be going too badly, though. During her visit MS was told by one of the organisers that no less a luminary than Ruth Nye, a former concert pianist and teacher at the Yehudi Menuhin school, has singled the BW out for particular praise. She also took the time to seek him out and pat him on the back, with a cheery "Well done, dearie" as she did so.

To which the PO can only add a proud "hear, hear".

I Know What The BW Did This Summer

On the basis of what has appeared here over the last few weeks, the casual reader might be forgiven for thinking that the Boy Wonder has done nothing of note this summer.

The more insightful reader, or for that matter the reader who has visited this site on a number of occasions and been following the BW's exploits for some time, might be inclined to reach an altogether different conclusion. Taking into account the BW's track record, and more importantly that of the author of this site, he might surmise that there is in fact no direct link between the BW's level of activity and the frequency of posting here.

And he would be right.

The fact is that since his return from France in July, the BW has been a very busy chap indeed. Unfortunately, so has the PO, which partly explains, but in no way excuses, his failure to provide you with regular updates regarding the Wondrous One's exploits.

For example, had he been better organised, the PO would doubtless have told you long ago about how the BW was there when the Lovebirds decided to celebrate their first wedding anniversary in the only way appropriate - by getting married AGAIN, only this time in the very same registry office in which the PO himself was married to the Mother Superior some sixteen years ago; about the taxi driver who arrived almost an hour late to take the wedding party to the restaurant for lunch, then, having confidently declared that he knew where he was going and besides, he had GPS, turned round and set off in completely the wrong direction, so that the PO, who has been living abroad for over ten years, ended up having to guide him for the entire journey across South London; and about how the BW was cruelly coerced into ordering a dessert he didn't even want because the PO couldn't decide between the two he wanted.

He would have told you about the BW's day trip to Cam- 
Sorry. To The Other Place.

He would have told you about the BW's preparations for his residential piano masterclass, which starts this weekend in Uppingham; about how he has been working on a Schubert Impromptu - "It's going OK" - and Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 1 - "I think I've more or less subdued it, but from time to time it fights back and I just want to burn the manuscript"; about how he has been filling the home of the Principal and the Recluse these last few days with sweet, sweet music.

He would have told you about the amazing news that the Boy Wonder will perform the second movement of Mozart's Piano Concerto No. 17 with the school orchestra at a Hogwarts concert in November.

He would have told you about the BW's first experience of Shakespeare in the theatre - a delightfully slick and witty production of The Comedy Of Errors.

He would have told you about the BW's visit to the Proms with the Principal, the Recluse and the Lovebirds to hear a Hungarian orchestra play Dohnanyi, Bartók's 3rd Piano Concerto (with Garrick Ohlsson as the soloist - "He played the Adagio really sensitively; you could tell he'd really listened to the piece and worked on getting it just right"), and Stravinsky's Rites of Spring ("I loved the way there were these adrenaline rushes, when from almost nothing it escalated into a huge noise.")

He would have told you about how Missy joined the BW, the Recluse and the Principal for a visit to Charles Darwin's house; about how the BW was particularly taken not by the collections of scientific instruments, the stuffed birds or the journals and other manuscripts, but by the drawings and pictures given to Darwin by his children; by the dinner tray they apparently used to slide down the stairs; about the chair on wheels on which their father would spin them round and round; and about how the sickly naturalist would collect bees and sprinkle them with flour and then ask the children to follow them through the garden to see where they stopped.

He would have told you about how breathless it makes him feel just listening to the BW describe his antics over the phone.

And of course he would have told you about how the first thing, absolutely the first thing that the BW wanted to tell him on one of the recent occasions on which they spoke, a couple of weeks ago, maybe three, was that Schmoo was avidly preparing for his Grade 1 Piano exam, and that Button had scored distinctions in both her Trumpet Grade 2 AND her Piano Grade V exams.

But I guess that's the trouble with the PO. He just doesn't get round to telling you these things, and before you know it, they are lost for posterity, gone forever...

The BW Takes A Time-Out

Two weeks ago, in time-honoured tradition, hundreds of Hogwarts pupils and their parents stoically endured tropical temperatures as they sat and watched a succession of small and not-so-small boys and girls troop up one by one to collect their end of year prizes.

For some, there was the consolation of a brief moment of vicariously lived glory as a son or a daughter, a brother or sister, perhaps even a best friend enjoyed his or her fifteen seconds of fame.

For others, the tedium, time-honoured or otherwise, was unremitting.

"And what of the Boy Wonder ?" the PO hears you ask.

Well, as it happens, the Boy Wonder... wasn't there.

No, in view of the particularly long and hard term he had had - and in view of the fact that the DPs in their infinite wisdom, despite his outstanding performances in the scholarship and end-of-year exams, and despite his excellent end-of-term report (more of which shortly), had decided to attribute to him not so much as a single prize - the Mother Superior took an executive decision and informed the BW that his summer vacation would be beginning a day early.

Of course the BW was as sanguine as ever about this latest snub.

"So, which would you have preferred ?" the PO asked him on the phone a couple of days later. "An armful of prizes, or getting off school a day early ?"

A second or two passed before the BW answered, the time perhaps for him to shout from his chaise-longue to the Mother Superior and ask her to peel him another grape.

"On balance," he said gravely, "I think I'm pretty happy with the extra day's holiday," before adding without a hint of triumphalism, "Of course, Button and Schmoo aren't very pleased, cos' they've still got another week to go."

The fact is that the PO considers that - yet again - the MS and the BW have got it absolutely right. After all, who needs prizes when he has just received his best ever report, with no fewer than 7 1As, as well as 2 2As and A grades in both his musical instruments ? Here, for those of you who insist on such things, are a few highlights :

English (1A) : "Superb all year [...] Magnificent exam [including] a poetry comprehension exercise in which he contrived to lose not a single mark : no mean feat. [...] A pleasure to teach."

Greek (1A) : "He has applied himself with a will to mastering the fine detail [...] Adept at applying his knowledge when confronted with a linguistic challenge. [...] Sets his sights commendably high and [has] convincingly demonstrated his potential. [...] A pleasure to teach [...] extremely impressive."

Latin (1A) : "To be congratulated on coming top of this very able and competitive set. [The exam] shows that he is very close to being able to read Latin in original authors."

French (1A) : "Reliable [...] adventurous on occasion [...] serious-minded. [...] Performed very well across the board. [...] Very pleasing. [...] Well done and have a lovely summer."

History (1A) : "Positive and constructive. His outstanding [exam result] provides clear testimony to his ability. I have thoroughly enjoyed teaching him."

Maths (1A) : "I am confident he will continue to excl in this subject."

Chemistry (2B) : "His top mark in the set [...] showed a very good knowledge and a thorough understanding of the concepts."

Geography (2B) : "I am sure [the BW] would be the first to admit that Geography has not been at the top of his list of priorities in what is obviously a hectic schedule but [...] I am sure he will rise to the challenge of more intellectually demanding work next year."

Music (1A) : "Has so much potential in this subject. The challenge for him is to maintain his efforts and set his standards high in all his musical endeavours since he has the makings of a very fine your musician."

Art (3B) : "He has been great fun to teach and I have enjoyed his company in lessons a great deal."

Drama (2A) : "Has shown great leadership and directorial qualities while remaining gracious and amiable."

Tutor's Report : "Another extremely busy Quarter. [...] He has coped with it all with remarkable and admirable aplomb, setting himself high standards and managing his time most effectively. [...] Refreshingly candid and straight-forward. He is modest about his achievements and talents and is unfailingly good-humoured and courteous. He enjoys the company of his friends but possesses the independence of spirit to pursue his own goals in a resolute manner. Very well done indeed."

Head of Gryffindor's Closing Statement : "Outstanding as ever."

As fine a selection of comments as one could wish to hope for, the PO is sure you'll agree. As for the phrase "he enjoys the company of his friends but possesses the independence of spirit to pursue his own goals in a resolute manner" - is this not an epitaph that any man would be proud to have earned ?

One thing is certain : the BW, currently living the high life in a château somewhere near Anjou, has earned his break. Only seven (sic) weeks to go...

The Boy Wonder Cocks A Snook

Naturally he is far too elegant and sophisticated ever actually to make such a gesture, but the BW this week took the opportunity presented by his end of year exams to stick two metaphorical fingers up to the infinitely wise Hogwarts DPs who chose not to honour him with an academic scholarship a little over a month ago.

Showing the wisdom and priority management to which we have become accustomed, he opted for mid-table mediocrity in his RS exam, scoring a reasonable but unthreatening 63%. However, in all of the other subjects for which he has thus far received results - Geography was still pending as the PO went to press - his performance was not so much Premier League as Champions' League.

Consider the facts. In every major subject - Maths, History, French, Greek, English, Music, Latin - he finished in the top four, with two second places and four first places.  Across these seven subject combined he dropped only 53 percentage points, with a lowest mark of 85% and five scores over ninety per cent. In English he scored 96% and in Music and Latin 97%.

When asked by the PO how he felt - Did he feel vindicated ? Was he proud to have responded to the DPs' snub in such an impressive manner ? - the BW responded with characteristic modesty, and not a little humour.

"Well, Dad," he said thoughtfully. "I think I'm playing my role of dark horse pretty well, don't you ?"

It will be interesting to see how these performances are reflected in his end of term report - coming soon to a blog near you...

Spare A Thought For The Boy Wonder

Not only does the BW have a whole new round of exams looming - two Maths papers and a French oral this week, followed by three whole days next Monday to Wednesday...

But yesterday he was hit during cricket practice by a brutal bouncer - bowled by an adult who should have known better - which thudded into his chest.

Ever the stoic, he played the incident down on the phone to the PO, who still wakes up in a cold sweat every once in a while, shaken from his sleep by dreamt remembrances of the moment when a burly boy called Wilson struck him on the glove with a nasty lifter during his first practice with the First XI at prep school...

Of course, later in life the PO made quite a name for himself as a purveyor of ever-so-slightly-faster than military medium bowling, breaking not one but two opponents' noses during an unforgettable 1984 season.

Or was it 1985 ?

Peu importe - those were the days. And who knows ? Perhaps such days lie ahead of the BW too...

Or perhaps he will just stick to less dangerous pastimes...

[Many thanks to Mrs MOP for the photograph]