I have to be careful what I say about teachers, given that The Principal and Missie (not to mention the much-missed Gomme) either figure or have figured recently amongst the leading lights of the profession. But let's be honest, they're a perverse lot, aren't they ?
I received in the post today a copy of the Boy Wonder's First Form Quarter Report. This report is not usually distributed to parents, but is intended to be used as the basis for a discussion between the pupil and his tutor. However, as the BW has only just started in the First Form, his school has elected, in a move of enlightened transparency, to share his first quarterly report with his parents. So far so good.
Inevitably, given that the BW has only been attending his new school for a matter of a few weeks, many of the teachers' comments are anodyne, not to say non-committal, as are the grades (on a scale of 1-5 for attainment and A-E for effort). Not surprisingly, 6 out of 14 teachers have opted for the safest of neutral grounds, awarding the grades 3C. And am I being too snide if I say "No prizes for guessing for which subjects..." ?
Geography : "Sound progress" (I bet he says that to all the boys)
Drama : "Lively and bright, working well."
History : a slightly more gnomic "Bright and able, he continues well."
ICT (No, I didn't know what that meant either - apparently it's something to do with computers) : "Working well, a good performance so far" (which probably translates as "I can't quite match all of the names to faces yet" - and I can sympathise with that).
Elsewhere, some of the BW's teachers have played clever dummies, feinting, as if to suggest that they have actually given the process some thought, when in fact closer scrutiny reveals an altogether more mundane truth :
DT : 2B - "Good start to the year."
English : 2B - "Good. Enthusiastic and able. Appears to be settling in well."
Music : 2A (note the A for effort) - "Excellent. He has made an impressive start." (Of course he has, he's the BOY WONDER, for Heaven's sake !!)
Next, there are those who seem to have put just a tad more thought into the evaluation process :
French : 3C (boo) - "Has made a good start. He has proved his worth in class but should seek to participate on a more regular basis. Good on paper. Please encourage." (Request duly noted - the BW is hereby summoned to spend four days here in Switzerland over New Year to practice his French and his parallel turns).
Latin : 1B (note the 1 for attainment) - "Very able, and doing well - could concentrate harder in class, however !" (I particularly enjoyed the daring use of the exclamation mark - the BW does say his Latin teacher is his favourite teacher because she "likes a laugh". But why should he need to concentrate harder when he's getting a 1 for attainment ? If I remember rightly, the grade in which I took the greatest pride as a schoolboy was a 1C, since the implied criticism of laxness of effort was perfectly counterbalanced by a grudging recognition that I was nevertheless top of the class.)
Science : 2B - "Very good Quarter. 6/18 in set with 81%. Good test score of 74%. Working well on preps and in class. Pleasing progress so far. Very keen." (Hang on, doesn't that sound like a 1A to you ??)
PE : 2B - "Has made a very good start to his sporting career at Hogwarts. I hope that he is enjoying the lessons and continues to improve." (A welcome note of encouragement, I thought.)
And finally, there are those who, well, inspired the title of this entry. Really, I'm not sure what to make of these :
RS : "Has got off to a great start. Is lively in class, contributing helpfully to class discussion. Written work is sound. Keep up the good work !" (More spontaneous use of the exclamation mark, which must surely signal at very least a 2A, wouldn't you think ? Alas, no - the BW gets a 3B and the crowd starts to whistle accusingly at the Russian judge).
And my favourite, Maths : "Working hard (positive comment #1) and producing very good (#2 : not just good, but very good) classwork and preps (#3 : not just one, but both). A keen contributor to discussions (#4) and willing to ask for help (#5). 96% on a recent test was excellent (#6 - and hang on, wasn't the BW just commended for his willingness to ask for help - sounds like he doesn't need any to me !!) and showed a sound (sic !! #7) understanding of the topics covered." (Grade ? After 96% in his test and 7 positive comments - obviously that doesn't merit better than a ...2B).
Of course, I'm just being facetious. The main thing is that the Boy Wonder is off to a great start. And the best thing of all is that when you talk to him on the phone, you can hear in virtually every story he tells that, to borrow a phrase from those good people at McDonald's, He's lovin it...
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