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November 07, 2004

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HOGWARTS UNDER 12A: 1
WOTNORUGGER UNDER 12A: 5

CLEARLY DEVASTATING.
BUT CONSOLATIONS ABOUND.

1. WOTNORUGGER IS A CHARMING SECOND DIVISION PRIVATE SCHOOL WHICH SEEMS, AT LEAST, TO EXCEL AT FOOTBALL. MR HAMMOND, HOGWARTS' CHEMISTRY CHAMPION AND MAESTRO OF FIRST YEAR TEAM SPORTS, PUT THE WHOLE THING IN CONTEXT WITH HIS INSISTENT USE OF THE WORD SOCCER. (MUCH TO THE CHAGRIN, OF COURSE, TO THE WONDROUS BOYS, MANY OF WHOM WOULD RATHER PLAY FOOTIE THAN THUGGER - SORRY THAT SHOULD BE RUGGER - ANY DAY).

2. WOTNORUGGER ALSO BELIEVES IN THE COMPETITIVE SPIRIT BEYOND NORMAL BOUNDS OF BRITISH BEHAVIOUR. MISCELLANEOUSOTHERPARENT WAS STANDING WITH ANOTHERMISCELLANEOUSPARENT WHO HAPPENS TO BE A FOOTBALL COACH. IN THEIR COMPLETELY NEUTRAL AND UNIMPEACHABLE COMBINED OPINION, TWO OF THE GOALS WERE CLEARLY OFFSIDE AND M.O.P. DISGRACED HIMSELF BY ACCLAIMING THIS FACT LOUDLY FROM AFAR. FORTUNATELY BW'S FRIEND TOLD OFFENSIVE SPECTATOR (HIS DAD) TO SHUT UP - AND NORMAL ORDER WAS RESTORED.

3. AFTER A SHAKY START THE DEFENSIVE STRATAGEM FEATURING BW SEEMED TO GET ITS ACT TOGETHER. DESPITE A CERTAIN IMPRESSION OF THANK-GOD-THATS-OVER, HOGWARTS ARE APPARENTLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THE REMATCH IN 2 WEEKS.

4. HOGWARTS UNDER 12Bs CONCEDED 12 GOALS IN THEIR MATCH, MAYBE JUST MAKING THE As FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEIR CLOSE-ISH SHAVE.

5. ALTHOUGH HOGWARTS DINING STANDARDS ARE BETTER LEFT UN-DISCUSSED (OUTSIDE THE CHATROOM FOR 'FERGUS THE BOGEYMAN GOES ON A SLIME HUNT') AFOREMENTIONED CHEMICAL HAMMI WAS SOMEWHAT DISGUSTED BY POST MATCH TEA. HOGWARTS BOYS ARRIVED JUST IN TIME TO SEE THEIR VANQUISHERS DEPART, SINGING ROWDILY. NO ENFORCED DIPLOMACY (AT HOGO'S EACH TABLE IS A SPEED-DATE, 3 PER TEAM); NO POST MATCH ORATION; NO FAREWELL (AND GOOD RIDDANCE) TO THE VISITING CHARIOT. SADLY FOR HUNGRY HOG-LADS, THEIR FINAL INSTRUCTION WAS "NO SECOND HELPINGS, GET ON THAT BUS, WE'RE OUT OF HERE". WITH THESE STANDARDS, ONE REALLY DOES WONDER WHO IS GOING TO RUN THE EMPIRE.

Sports correspondent signing off. Team news to be reported as soon as it is available.

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