The Paternal Optimist

Bla Bla Bla BW, Bla Bla Bla Honours...

Now, I accept that for those of you out there who are not related in some sort of paternal way to the Boy Wonder, the constant flow of good news stories that have constituted virtually the entire recent fare on this site might just be getting a tad wearisome - "Where are the amusing anecdotes involving the BW, a bag of surgical instruments and a large turnip ?", I hear you pleading. "When is the PO going to tell us another story illustrating the BW's legendary inability to sing the Hogwarts school song without unintentionally segue-ing (Sp. ? Ed.) into the Abba classic Fernando ?"

Believe me, readers, the PO shares your frustration.

The trouble is, the BW's life truly is a bed of roses. The grass really is an incomparable shade of green on his side. The BW doesn't even pay any attention to the mickles, but those muckles  just go on miraculously taking care of themselves.

So I'm afraid you'll just have to make do with a YABGNS (Yet Another B****y Good News Story).

Yes, it's official : the BW's viola teacher, fresh from a jaunt to Barbados "playing in a string quartet" (I've never heard it called that before. Ed.), returned to find the results of his Grade VI viola exam lying on her doormat. And the verdict is... 256 out of 300, which on the Baden-Wurtemburg scale apparently translates as an Honours !! Further details are sketchy at this stage, but the BW did mutter something about having scored full marks on the music knowledge section ("where they ask you questions about the music you're playing") and being quietly satisfied with his sight-reading.

So, congratulations are in order once again. Bravo, BW !! Your public salutes you !

There'll be no resting on laurels, though... This weekend the BW will be playing the piano in an EPTA competition, which sounds to the PO suspiciously like a cunning ruse to get out of cross-country running or freezing on a football pitch on what is predicted to be one of the coldest March afternoons in Hogwarts history...

The Boy Wonder Scores Again

It seems that there is no end to the good news for the BW. Today he learned that, following his spectacular 137 out of 150 in his Grade VI exam in May last year, he had won a prize awarded to the candidate scoring the highest mark in Grades VI, VII or VIII in the region surrounding Hogwarts in 2005. And we're not just talking about some certificate to be stuck up on his wall between his Dark Side Of The Moon poster and his signed photograph of Girls Aloud : the BW will shortly be toddling off down to his local branch of Coutts to bank a cheque for no less than seventy pounds...

Searching For The Matterhorn

It may look as though the Boy Wonder and the Principal are just staring gormlessly into space in the picture above, but in fact they are engaging in the activity that dominated the three days we spent this week in Zermatt : peering through the clouds in the hope of catching a glimpse of the elusive Matterhorn, perhaps the most satisfyingly archetypically mountain-looking mountain in the world.

Unfortunately, the vague shape you can half make out in the middle of this picture is as good a look as we got - not counting the several hundred desperately kitsch paintings that seem to adorn every inch of wallspace in our otherwise wonderful hotel, the Zermatterhof.

In fact, the sun did not properly come out until ten minutes before we left yesterday afternoon, and virtually all of our skiing was done through the mist and in near blizzard conditions.

Not that this deterred the BW or the PO, of course. Oh, no. They are made of hardier stuff than that. And more to the point, they were both kitted out with brand new goggles, which had the effect of adding to their already impressive list of superpowers a new one : the ability to see even in the most treacherous of weather.

As you can see from the smiles in the pictures above, the lack of sun certainly did not detract from the enjoyment (though it does account for the total lack of "action" photos).

The PO gave himself a good physical workout on Friday morning while the BW was taking a lesson, and the rest of the time they spent skiing together - including successfully negotiating on Saturday morning an extremely long red run that took them from over 3300 metres down to under 2200 metres, a real achievement for the BW.

As for the Principal, in between making the most of the facilities in the hotel (swimming pool, jacuzzi, steam room, massages), she joined the PO and the BW for lunch each day in a restaurant up on the slopes - and in the hotel for breakfast and dinner, where the highlight was undoubtedly the Crêpes Suzettes cooked at the table by the maître d'hôte.

Unfortunately, like so many good things, the holiday came to an end all too soon. And though the blow was softened by our being taken to the station not in one of the electric taxis that hurtle almost silently, day and night, through Zermatt's tiny streets, but in the hotel's carriage (see the photo below), the Principal is already hatching a plan to return one summer, while the PO and the BW are considering making a return visit much, much sooner...

PS You'll find additional photos of the BW here, and a positively scary picture of the PO here.

Grand Hotel, Gromit !

Some of you may have noticed that the Boy Wonder Yearbook 2006 photo album is so far conspicuous only by its absence.

Well, with a bit of luck in a few day's time that will have changed : the Boy Wonder and the Principal arrive in Geneva tonight, and tomorrow we're off to picture-postcard-pretty Zermatt together for three days. A perfect place to take lots of pictures.

Naturally, the BW and the PO will be looking to spend as much time as possible on the slopes. As for the Principal, when she's not at her easel or soaking in the sun on a terrace, the PO rather suspects she may be found in the sauna, in the jacuzzi, or on the massage table in the magnificent hotel where we will be staying. And while obviously the PO will not be looking to capture the Principal in any less than flattering situation, he looks forward to sharing a photographic record of the trip with you all very soon.

Another Quarter, Another Report

The Boy Wonder's latest report arrived yesterday.

Even if there is a certain grudging overtone to the assessments made by some of the Hogwarts Dedicated Professionals (it must be something about the time of year - they never seem to give as good grades during the Easter Quarter), and a rather excessive insistence by others on the impact on the BW's performance of illness, it's still a 9 CD-er.*

There are 5 A grades for effort, including the now customary 1A in English, and only two Cs.

There are frequent references to the keenness and the quality of the BW's contributions in class. 

And there 's a special mention from the DP for Greek, recognising the BW as the "ingenious inventor of many a ruse to help his fellow students learn their vocabulary securely." Like wearing hard hats and bullet-proof vests, presumably.

But then that's all in a quarter's work for the Boy Wonder.

* 12 minus 3 equals 9. Forgotten the rules ? See here for a reminder.

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Schmoo, How I Wonder What You Do

The best thing about being one of the Von Trapp children - Liesl, Friedrich, Louisa, Kurt, Brigitta, Marta and Gretl, if we're going with the Sound of Music version; Maria, Rupert, Agathe, Werner, Hedwig, Johanna, Martina, Rosmarie, Eleonore and Johannes, if we're going with the historical truth - must undoubtedly have been that you got to enjoy making wonderful music with all your brothers and sisters (even if you couldn't remember all their names). The worst thing, particularly for the older children, was surely that you never got the chance to rest on your laurels for very long : there was always some cuter younger sibling waiting to steal your thunder.

The Boy Wonder may not be as badly off in this respect as poor, awkward Friedrich - after all, not only did he have a younger brother and four younger sisters, including an impossibly scrumptious five-year-old, but on the rare occasions when none of them were hogging the limelight, his blooming 16-going-on-17 older sister would start singing about kittens and bachelor dandies and such like.

But the BW does have two gorgeous, talented - and competitive - younger siblings, and they certainly keep him on his toes.

For example, only a day after he had performed so admirably in his Hogwarts scholarship audition, the BW was upstaged by the irrepressible Schmoo at a concert at his old junior school.

During the concert, the BW and Button played a piano duet by Diabelli to great critical acclaim. But there is no doubt as to the moment that will remain engraved on the minds of all of those lucky enough to be present : a performance of Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star featuring Schmoo (lead violinist), Button (second violin) and the BW (viola).

Fortunately, the BW is not one given to gratuitous envy or overweening pride - other than in his siblings, of course - as can be judged from his description of this landmark cultural event :

"Schmoo played a solo first, then he counted us in and we played as a trio, with Schmoo as lead violinist. He was amazing. He was perfectly in tune. Everyone was really impressed. It was definitely the highlight of the concert."

Surely it can only be a matter of time before the Mother Superior joins them with her cello and they perform as a quartet...

He's A Gentleman, A Scholar And An Acrobat

Well, perhaps not that last thing.

But we always knew he was a gentleman, and his credentials as a scholar are enhanced with every passing day. And particularly with this passing day.

Yes, the news is official : those wonderful Dedicated Professionals at Hogwarts have decided in their wisdom to increase the Boy Wonder's music scholarship from twenty-five to fifty per cent ! Verily, the PO's cup doth runneth overeth. Congratulations, BW !!

The Mother Superior was the first to learn the good news, courtesy of a delightful letter from Hogwarts which commented not only on the BW's fine performance at his audition but also on the promise he has shown since he arrived at the school a year and a half ago. Naturally, the MS called the PO immediately. Who called the Principal and the Recluse. Who no doubt informed the Lovebirds.

But what of the BW himself, I hear you ask ? Well, he had to wait until he came out of school, whereupon, for reasons not entirely clear to the PO, the MS waited until they reached the graveyard before she told him in the most casual possible of ways.

"So, a 50 per cent scholarship, eh ? That must feel good."

"What ? Eh ? Er ?" [Noise of brain clicking and whirring to process information, followed by sound of penny dropping] "So I got one, then ?"

When the PO finally got to speak to the BW this evening, he sounded quietly relieved. In fact, he almost seemed more excited by the fact that, following his audition, the Hogwarts' Head of Keyboards indicated to him that he would like him to start working on a concerto, probably by Mozart. Oh, and he was also able to confirm that, much to the PO's delight, Young Mr Hoskins was among the others selected for recognition.

As for marking this latest glorious achievement, the BW was on his way for a celebratory dinner ("lobster and champagne") at Mr Pang's Chinese restaurant.

The PO, for his part, will also be celebrating in the only way he knows how : with a half-bottle of Châteauneuf-du-Pape and a box-set of the first season of Desperate Housewives.

The Mother Superior Reports

The Mother Superior, having duly attended the BW's scholarship audition this morning, reports back as follows :

• She couldn't hear everything, but from what she could hear, the BW played his Khatchaturian very well
• She confirms that the BW has a very high voice indeed
• The BW, casualness personified beforehand (after dinner on the eve of his audition, the MS had to remind him that he was due to perform a song to which he did not yet know the words), is of the opinion that he performed well, although the sight-reading on the piano was "a bit tricky"
• There were 22 candidates vying for ten scholarships
• Poor Young Mr Hoskins, who had already been obliged to postpone his audition once on the grounds of ill health, was also performing today and was said by the BW, who called him to wish him good luck, to be sounding "very sick indeed" - not a state you want to be in when you have to blow very hard into a trumpet

So there you have it. Not exactly CNN, but it will have to do until the PO is able to get a report from the horse's mouth, as it were.

In the meantime, the PO is sure that all of his readers will join him in wishing Young Mr Hoskins the swiftest of returns to good health.