This blog's regular readers will doubtless both be relieved to hear that the Paternal Optimist was unable to attend this year's parents' meeting at Hogwarts, which took place last weekend, and that they will consequently be spared the sort of gratuitous mockery that has blighted previous reports of his encounters with the Dedicated Professionals whose sole objective in life is, like latter-day Mr Gradgrinds, to plant Facts, nothing but Facts, in the minds of the Boy Wonder and his fellow pupils - and to root out everything else.
For, as any fule kno, Facts alone are wanted in life.
Fortunately, while the PO was in plain dereliction of his duties as a father, preferring to spend his Sunday recovering from the effects of skiing the day before in powder snow the like of which has not been seen in the French Alps in ten years, the Mother Superior was not about to shirk hers.
Indeed, not only did she assume upon her slender shoulders the full responsibility of meeting with each and every one of the BW's DPs - that is to say, every one except the ICT DP; and the DT DP; oh, and the PE DP; in fact, one might be tempted to think that the Mother Superior has something against acronyms - but afterwards she also got stuck with sitting through several hours of "cheesy wind music" (her words, not the PO's), waiting for the BW's appearance in a choir performing that well-known Bach Oratorio, the not-in-any-way-cheesy The King With Cold Feet, including the unforgettable number Searching For Hot Stuff . How it escaped the attention of the writers of The Full Monty, the PO will never understand.
Still, the PO's absence did have at least one positive consequence : without him there to bombard the DPs with inane questions and to blather on endlessly about how things were different in his day, the MS was able to restrict each interview to a maximum of ninety seconds and limit the discussion to the bare essentials - a task made considerably easier by the fact that, as she put it to the PO, "no-one had a negative word to say about your boy."
Here then, without further ado, is a resumé of each of those interviews :
French : Ee eez purfect. Ah cannot folt eem.
Maths. : Very bright, isn't he ?
English : Sophisticated of thought and of expression. An inspired piece on the Hogwarts 450. I would like to see the book he is writing. [So would the PO]
Greek : Excellent.
Physics : I didn't notice he was in my class until he did really well in his test.
History : Very good.
Latin : Very very good.
Art : Very focused. Get's on with it himself.
Drama : Natural and focused. [Obviously, this is the latest buzzword.]
Music : Very good.
Geography : Obviously not a priority, especially with all the music he does. He should be congratulated on managing his time so well.
[Note to future biographers of the BW : the comments attributed to the various DPs listed above are in fact versions paraphrased by the PO of the words reported to him by the MS. Any resemblance to any words actually uttered by the DPs in question is entirely coincidental.]
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