The Paternal Optimist

A Little Later Than Promised...

Here, at last, courtesy of Northamptonshire's favourite presshound, Mrs MOP, photographic proof that :

(1) The Boy Wonder does think he's Stirling Moss (although there's more of the Barry Sheene about him here, I feel); and
(2) That girls of his age are TERRIFYINGLY TALL !! Look at those poor little lads next to them. What possible chance do they stand ?

I was about to post some beach pictures of the BW and Young Mr Hoskins here too, when I realised that they contained an Unknown Incurable Virus (dixit Hotmail's virus-checker). So they'll have to wait...

A Message From Mrs MOP

OK, they're a day later than promised, but here at last are the promised images of the Boy Wonder and his very good friend, Young Mr Hoskins, taken by that indefatigable paperazza, Mrs MOP.

The PO thought long and hard, trying to find appropriately witty phrases with which to introduce these pictures, but on reflection he concluded that Mrs MOP's own words would do the job far better than anything he could come up with :

Dear PO,

We had the very great pleasure of the BW's company yesterday.  Before inflicting serious damage to a Hockney print by swinging the bumptious and adorable Schmoo round so fast in the Laughing Buddha's gallery that he sent a brass sculpture and plinth flying into said picture, we cycled round Rutland Water.  Photos attached.  My favourite is the boys blocking the pavement on Oakham High Street, deep in conversation - no doubt discussing the lyrics for their first hit-in-the-making, the beginnings of which were composed as soon as we arrived home.  Having tried the BW's guitar, a new guitar is now apparently ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL in this household.

                        Yours, Mrs MOP

PS Note to the Laughing Buddha re Hockney print : Please send bill to usual address. (Sigh).

Wilbur the Rat 2003-2005

The PO regrets to inform you of the passing of Wilbur, dearly loved pet of the BW and sibling to Rodney. He expired quietly, just over a month after his brother, probably on or around April 9th.

The funeral was private, limited to family and close friends.  Please, no flowers. Any donations should be sent to your local Rat Rescue.

Rodney the Rat 2003-2005

It was with great sadness that the Paternal Optimist learnt of the passing away yesterday of Rodney the Rat,  much-loved pet to the Boy Wonder.  Bereavement is never easy, and the PO sends his heartfelt sympathy to the BW in this moment of sadness.

He also offers the following words of wisdom, gleaned from the site Rat Planet, which he hopes will help the BW to come to terms with his loss - and remind him that, though it may not be immediately obvious, Rodney's sibling Wilbur is hurting inside too, and needs the BW's affection now more than ever :

The hardest part of caring for a beloved companion is knowing when to let go. Your rat may let you know when he’s had enough, and will stop eating and drinking. If he shows no interest in life and has no quality of life left, if he is suffering or in pain, and if you have tried every option to make his life easier and improve his health, you have to offer one last kindness … and let go.

[...]

Your rat will always be in your memories, and in time you will remember the good days. How he used to play with a particular toy, or gnaw through your favourite book. These are the good memories. No one can take those away. Rats also grieve for their cage-mates, and will often rush around looking into the places they used to snuggle or play. A bereaved rat can suffer just as we do. Give them extra love and snuggles to help them get over the loss too. Some say it has helped their remaining rats if the body of the deceased rat is laid in the cage with them for a short while. This way, they learn that their friend hasn’t simply deserted them. Of course, this is entirely up to you, and some people may not feel comfortable with this. This is completely understandable.

Thank Goodness For MSN

That's the Mother Superior Newsfeed, in case there was any doubt.

A conversation with La Mère Supérieure yesterday revealed some interesting information, most of which had clearly not met the Boy Wonder's stringent dissemination criteria (1 - Is it something my father might be interested to know ? 2 - Can I be bothered to say it ? 3 - What was the first question again ?) . Amongst other things, I learned that :

• The BW is participating in a piano masterclass this evening
• He played two football matches last week (one a 7-0 defeat - boo - the other a 4-1 victory - hurrah) for the U-13 C team (apparently he is furious about his demotion, which the Mother Superior speculates may not be unconnected to the recent infamous boot incident)
• Young Mr Hoskins scored a spectacular victory in the Junior Brass category of the Hogwarts music competition - the PO sends him the heartiest of belated congratulations
• The BW will be performing in the reading competition tomorrow (as of yesterday at midday he had yet to select a passage to read)
• On March 13th, Hogwarts will be holding a parents' morning - yes, dear reader, that means that the PO will have the opportunity not only to collect more juicy insights into the Boy Wonder's academic performance and general behaviour, but also to examine at close quarters the teachers who have kept us so richly entertained over the last term and a half with their unique brand of humorous doublespeak - you may rest assured that I shall report back with detailed warts-and-all descriptions and spare no opportunity to satirize those who would dare speak in anything other than the most glowing terms of the BW.

To be fair to the lad, the BW has had other things on his mind this week, as he will be taking his Grade V viola exam tomorrow afternoon, and has dedicated every waking moment not already taken up with study, philosophical reflection or silent prayer to practising his scales.

Unfortunately, the reading competition takes place immediately after his exam.

Fortunately, he has a week's rest to look forward to very soon : next week, Hogwarts will be shutting its doors for the half-term/mid-quarter break, and the BW will be able to put his feet up and relax.

A Warning to Young Mr Hoskins

It would appear that Young Mr Hoskins, friend and confidant of the Boy Wonder, doubts the sincerity and seriousness of the PO's recent threat warning to him. What is more, he has chosen to express his indifference to said warning in a most provocative manner here on this very blog.

Now, good readers, I am sure it will not surprise you to learn that the Paternal Optimist didn't get where he is today by turning a blind eye to provocation. Oh, no.

Nor did he get where he is today by issuing idle threats warnings.

So, much as it pains me to wash the dirty laundry of others (and particularly that of small boys, grubby as they are inclined to be) in a public place, I regret that I am obliged to share certain information with my readers.

Let it be known that :

1. Young Mr Hoskins did once turn up for a cup match with his out of school football team, Ryhall, without his boots. (Oooh !)
2. Young Mr Hoskins has been known to swap healthy oat biscuits, made by his own dear and long-suffering  mother's own fair hands, for Pringles. (Aaah !) On a regular basis. (Ssss !)
3. Young Mr Hoskins recently bought a packet of mints for 58p in a shop in Oundle, and sold them on to a "friend" for an undisclosed sum greater than 58p. (Booo !)

I think that will suffice for now. But believe me, Young Mr Hoskins, there is plenty more far more entertaining material where that came from. Let this be a warning to you (and to any other small boys tempted to diss the PO).

Oh, and I should think twice before you try to pass any of that organic dried mango off on to anyone, if I were you...

PS For anyone who hasn't already spotted it, there is a ripping account of the BW's and Young Mr Hoskins' debut match for the Hogwarts Under12 A team, posted by a Miscellaneous Other Parent, here.