The Paternal Optimist

The Boy Wonder And Mr Hyde

So, it's Sunday evening and all across the land people are preparing themselves for the return to the humdrum routine that Monday morning will bring...

Well, some people are.

Not the Boy Wonder, though.

Oh, no. Marooned as he is, half way through a break now so long that not even Hogwarts dares refer to it as "Half Term" anymore, preferring instead to call it the "Michaelmas Holiday", it is doubtful whether the BW even realises that tomorrow will be a Monday. To him, every day truly is like Sunday.

Not that the PO begrudges him his rest, you understand. After all, only a complete fool could have spent last weekend in the company of the BW and not realised that the poor boy was exhausted, wiped out, knackered.

Which is understandable, given the intensity of his life during term-time : school six days a week; regular orchestra practices and other musical activities; prep - LOTS of prep; late nights up playing on the Playstation. And to be fair to the lad, he's come up with the goods and delivered everything that's been asked of him, as his latest report confirms.

Or does it ???

Well, OK, yes it does. After all, it would be churlish indeed not to give praise to a boy who has earned himself a 7 CD report (11 minus 4, as the number of subjects reported has risen to 15 this year - see here for a reminder of the rules), featuring no fewer than four 1As (Maths, Latin, Music, and - for the first time - Art) and two 1Bs (Greek and Chemistry), and which
features many, many words of commendation. It is, as we have come to expect from the BW an outstanding report.

But - and more sensitive readers will long ago have guessed that there was a "but" - what this report does not do is bring us any closer to understanding the riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma that is the Boy Wonder.

Take the following comments from various of the Hogwarts Dedicated Professionals entrusted with the responsibility of filling his head with useful stuff :

Biology : Very good in class, keen to contribute.

English : An impressive public speaker, a fluent reader and an effective contributor in class discussion.

History : A thoughtful member of the set, and contributes ably to discussion.

RS : Enjoys contributing to class discussion.

Now compare those observations, noting, of course, the recurrent theme that runs through them, with this comment :

Greek : Working with his usual quiet confidence, but beginning to participate more in class now.

And finally, attempt to reconcile them with the following :

French : Remains a shy pupil. Must try to participate more in class.

Now, it may be, of course, that to Hogwarts DPs the words contribute and participate mean two completely different things. (And, technically, they do. But that's not the point.) Or it may be that the BW, being a humble, modest sort of fellow, is deliberately holding back in French and Greek so as not to hog the limelight and give the other chaps an opportunity to shine.

Or it may just be that, as he walks into the classroom for certain subjects he transforms into a lion, while for others he becomes a mouse...

Curiouser and curiouser.

Another Quarter, Another Report

The Boy Wonder's latest report arrived yesterday.

Even if there is a certain grudging overtone to the assessments made by some of the Hogwarts Dedicated Professionals (it must be something about the time of year - they never seem to give as good grades during the Easter Quarter), and a rather excessive insistence by others on the impact on the BW's performance of illness, it's still a 9 CD-er.*

There are 5 A grades for effort, including the now customary 1A in English, and only two Cs.

There are frequent references to the keenness and the quality of the BW's contributions in class. 

And there 's a special mention from the DP for Greek, recognising the BW as the "ingenious inventor of many a ruse to help his fellow students learn their vocabulary securely." Like wearing hard hats and bullet-proof vests, presumably.

But then that's all in a quarter's work for the Boy Wonder.

* 12 minus 3 equals 9. Forgotten the rules ? See here for a reminder.

The BW Investment Management Ltd Is Open For Business

Those of you with long memories and/or lives empty of interest and significance may remember that almost a year ago the PO launched his version of the classic cash-for-arms deal so beloved of politicians, offering to that walking rogue state, the Boy Wonder, a CD for every net grade above 2B* scored in his end of term school reports.
*Don't understand the rules ? You'll find a handy reminder here.

Of course, the PO naturally assumed at the time that by CD the BW meant Compact Discs. Whereas he now realises that in fact he was referring to Certificates of Deposit.

Not convinced ? Consider the evidence :

• Since the CD42B+ scheme was initiated, the BW has earned something in the region of thirty to forty CDs (a number boosted by the eleven - yes, eleven - earned by his latest report, more of which below).
• However, in all that time he has only managed to provide the PO with a grand total of four specific requests for particular albums, despite repeated prompting. (In desperation, the PO even bought him two albums he had not asked for - this and this, since you ask, neither of which, to the PO's great disappointment, the BW has commented on since - but despite appearances, he does not have time to dream up endless lists of music the BW might just like every time he gets a new school report).
• Late last year the BW opened a brand new bank account.

Conclusive evidence, I am sure you will concur. In any case, as far as the PO is concerned, the BW has signalled his intentions clearly and unambiguously: he plans to take his quarterly bonuses in the form of wire transfers (just as soon as he gets round to informing the PO of the details of his shiny new account) and then to invest them in risk-free interest-bearing instruments. To be frank, the PO can only admire such wisdom in one so young.

As for the BW's latest report, what is there the PO can say that he has not said in his previous school report posts ? With thirteen grades of 2B and above (not including the straight As for each of his musical instruments) and only two below, this has to be the best the BW has ever received. Most revealingly, perhaps, a comparison between this report and that received a year ago, after the BW's first term at Hogwarts, shows that his grades this time round were as good or better in every single subject.

Really, I don't know how a man can be expected to satirise that.

From Boy Wonder to Renaissance Man

It's not often the PO is lost for words.

True, he can be a grumpy old so-and-so at times, and he's not always the most garrulous of coves (particularly if he has had to get up before nine o'clock in the morning - which is unfortunately the case on most days).

But give him a pen and paper, or sit him down in front of a keyboard and screen and the words usually come tumbling out, positively falling over each other in their excitement to make the transition from the virtual to the real.

Nevertheless, as he sat down at his desk last night and read the BW's End of Year Report from the Dedicated Professionals at Hogwarts, words failed him.

It wasn't the shock at reading phrases like "his answers showed very effective revision had been carried out" (the Science DP) or "[the BW] takes his work seriously - it is only logical, therefore, that he should have dedicated a great deal of time to preparing himself for the end of year examinations and that he should have attained a high percentage" (ze DP for ze Frainch).

It wasn't the pleasure at discovering that the DT DP felt that he had had an "outstanding year" and had produced "remarkable paperwork" or that in Drama classes he has been "good company, gracious with his peers and an affable group leader".

It wasn't even the delight on learning from the Latin DP that the BW was "the first pupil I have taught here who was able to get more than half-way through a particularly challenging exercise in logic involving eleven 'had's, and clearly has a great future in an analytical subject like Latin".

No, it was the swell of pride - familiar by now to regular readers of this online rag - on reading the following comments from the BW's tutor :

Well, this is another excellent report with which to end the year. A silver in the Junior Maths Challenge is just one more feather in his cap, to go with a high Distinction for Grade Six piano and his many other achievements. He was very seriously considered for Dux [PO's note : D'oh ! So it wasn't the Ducks award for quacking work, after all !] of his year and this might be a goal for him next year.

[...]

Cricket, music and an excellent academic - the Boy Wonder is just the sort of Renaissance man who makes Hogwarts what it is. Few schools in the muggle world could hope to offer more than we do and it is for people such as him that this school exists. I am sure he will have an outstanding career here. I wish him all the very best.

Now, if you'll just excuse me while I go to the bathroom. There seems to be something making my eyes water...

This Just In...

The BW confirms that he scored a 1A in Science, meaning he scored the top grade in virtually all the important subjects. Mr Amazon is swinging into action as we speak...

A Job Well Done

And so, the BW's efforts to spend his entire inheritance before he reaches his teens continue unabated : a swift totting up of the grades in his End Of Year Report results in the startling realisation that the PO owes him twelve CDs. And that's on top of the five he's already owed from his Half Term Report.

But first things first.

Last week, regular readers will no doubt remember, was exam week. Never before has the BW had to endure such a prolonged period of scrutiny. Nine separate exams, for each of which he had prepared with feverish intensity, spending every spare moment during his weekday evenings, entire weekends and the best part of his half term break buried in textbooks, copying and recopying notes, or wandering about the house repeating to himself over and over what he had learned : dates, irregular verbs, formulae, names of kings and queens, latitudes and longi- ...

Erm, actually, that's not entirely true.

As we know, he did do some revision, encouraged by the Mother Superior's bribery sponsorship scheme. However, the BW has once again proved that on those slim young shoulders sits a mightily old head, for his exam results show quite unambiguously that his efforts were concentrated on certain subjects - to the inevitable detriment of others.

How else are we to explain the following distribution ?

• The BW scored over 90% in three subjects - two of the key academic subjects, Maths and French  (in which he came top), and Music (a smart move, since he is the proud holder of a Music scholarship)
• He scored over 80% in a further three subjects - the three remaining key academic subjects, in fact : Latin (in which he was only one mark away from another 90%), English and Science (in which he also came top)
• He scored over 70% in History, which is almost a proper subject, and RS, which, er, isn't
• Finally, in Geography, he scored a rather disappointing -... No, on second thoughts, I shan't embarrass him. Suffice it to say that the BW would not appear to know his Aarhus from his Elbe.

It would have been surprising indeed had the end of year grades awarded by the Dedicated Professionals at Hogwarts failed to reflect the success enjoyed by the BW in his exams. Nevertheless, even the almost praeternaturally modest BW himself could barely hide his excitement when he reported them to me. At the risk of making him blush, here they are :

Art 2B               
DT 2A                  
Drama 2A                        
English 1A
French 1A
Geography 2B
History 2B
  ICT 2B
  Latin 2A
 Maths 1A
Music 1A
PE 3C
RS 2B
Science ??*

* The DP i/c Science had yet to pronounce his verdict when the PO and BW last spoke, though given that he had come top in the exam, the BW was understandably confident he would receive a grade of 2B or above.

Only the PE DP, it would seem, was determined to poop the party - despite the BW's outstanding performances in athletics and cross-country. Fortunately for the DP in question, the PO and the BW are not the sorts to bear grudges.

All that remains, then, is for the BW to get his thinking cap on and to come up with a list of the eight CDs he wants, and to post them here. And if you're wondering how it is that the number has already fallen in the time it has taken for you to read this post from seventeen to eight, let's just say that in spite of his cherubic looks, the BW is already a seasoned negotiator, and that he has already managed to talk his father into paying up some of his reward in hard cash...

PS A word too of congratulation to Young Mr Hoskins, who, not content with being the only person on this site referred to by anything vaguely resembling his real name (only the Hoskins bit is invented), now has something else to crow about : apparently, he has been awarded something called the Ducks Prize (or something similar) in recognition of his eggstraordinary all-round performance and his quacking work throughout the year.

Fleet Of Foot And Sharp Of Mind

The Boy Wonder continues to make his father very proud - and I don't mean just because he's been doing three hours of revision every day during Half Term, admittedly spurred on by the Mother Superior's ingenious sponsorship scheme...

First, news of his contribution to Sports' Day, which took place last weekend. Despite a classic BW mix-up over race times - he told the MS that his first race wasn't until mid-morning, so she filled him up with tea and toast, only to discover on their arrival at 8h25 that he was due to run the 800 metres at 8h30 - he performed outstandingly, succeeding where Coe and Ovett failed, and carrying off the prestigious 800 metres/1500 metres double. They'll be calling him Dame Kelly next !

First and second-years ran in the same race, and though he was beaten by three of the four second-years in the 800 (he finished 0.01 seconds behind the third) he beat all his fellow  first-years, despite the tea and toast rolling around in his stomach.

The story was similar in the 1500, where he was the first runner in his year to cross the line, behind all four second-years, though only four seconds behind the overall winner.

And while the news on the sporting front is good, that on the academic side is no less impressive. Here's a quick summary of the phone conversation we had last night :

BW : Hi, Dad. Do you want to hear the grades from my Half-Term Report ?

PO : Why yes, son, I surely do.

BW : OK. Maths 1A. French 2B. Latin 1B. Science 2B. English 2B. Music 2B. RS 2B. DT 2A. Geography 2B. History 2B. Drama 2A. ICT 3C. PE 3C. And there's one more I've forgotten.

PO : That would be Art, son.

BW : Oh yes. 2B.

PO : So you got 12 grades of 2B and above and two below ? How many CDs does that mean I owe you, son ?

BW : Oh, are we doing that for Half-Term Reports too ?

PO : We most certainly are, son, though why don't we say that we'll divide the number by two at half-terms ?

BW : Sounds fair to me. Let's see : x equals (twelve minus two) divided by two. That would be five CDs, then.

PO : Yes, it would be, son. Better get thinking about what you want. You can post the list on the PO site, if you like.

Fleet of foot, sharp of mind, and scrupulously fair. What father could not be proud of such a son ?

Fact or Fiction ?

So, as mentioned in passing in a recent post, the BW claims 4 CDs on the basis of the following results, which he says he "memorised" (i.e. made up in the car on the way home from school one day) from a report which is "not sent to parents" (perhaps because it does not exist ?) :

English 1A
Music 1B
Maths 2A
Science 2A
RS 2A
Latin 2B
DT 2B
Drama 2B
Geography 2B

True, this does make a total of nine grades of 2B or better, out of fourteen subjects (interestingly, the BW did not communicate his grades in the other five subjects), and nine minus five did make four according to the old O-Level Maths curriculum the PO followed, though I can't be certain the same is also true under the GCSE system, which I suspect deems the answer "between one and nine" acceptable. Still, just to be sure, I have popped off a quick e-mail to the BW's tutor asking him to confirm his grades, and offering him half a CD for every grade he can knock down in the BW's future reports.

In the same e-mail I also asked him to confirm rumours of skullduggery in the recent Gale Run (according to the BW, this race around the Hogwarts school grounds is thus named because it is run clockwise or anti-clockwise, depending on the direction of the prevailing wind - one of those stories that, even if it is not true, ought to be). The BW had the honour of being Gryffindor's team captain, and himself performed heroically, completing the course in 6 minutes and two seconds - the next fastest runner in his year taking 6' 18". The team, however, fared less well overall. Until, that is, the Slytherin team were disqualified the next day, as it transpired one of their runners had cut a corner...

Here (At Last) Are The Results Of The Hogwarts Jury

No, this is not an April Fools' post...

As some of you are already aware, almost three weeks ago the Paternal Optimist and the Mother Superior ventured gamely into enemy territory in order to carry out some detailed reconnaissance. Yes, it was Parents' Reception Day at Hogwarts - an opportunity, at last, for the PO to size up those extraterrestrials dedicated professionals who have been saying such strange things about the Boy Wonder these last few months.

The day began very early indeed for me - Hogwarts is a good two hours' drive from the London residence of the Principal and the Recluse, and events began with a lecture at 09h30, during which some forthcoming changes in the curriculum were explained. Having only returned from the Bahamas the previous day, I was still feeling a little jetlagged, and must admit that I only have a fairly hazy memory of what these changes were, but the gist of it seemed to be this : Hogwarts will be doing everything it can to make GCSEs more like the old O-levels the PO sat some twenty-five summers ago, and to ensure that A-levels are more like - well, more like the A-levels the PO sat two years later. That's progress for you.

Interviews with the teachers were due to start at 10h15. When I say "due to start", what I mean is that each pupil had been given a piece of paper on which appeared a blank timetable with slots every five minutes from 10h15 to 12h45 and told to do the rounds of all his or her teachers, to book a meeting with each of them, and to fill in the name of the teacher and his or her subject on the piece of paper (talk about putting the lunatics in charge of the asylum).  In the case of the Boy Wonder, this meant fitting 13 interviews into 29 available five-minute slots.

In other words, this was a thinly disguised intelligence test.  An intelligence test which, I am glad to say, the BW passed with flying colours.

As other parents charged around the three halls in which the interviews took place, slavishly following the timetables provided by their offspring, in which all twelve or thirteen meetings had been organised to take place back-to-back, at five minute intervals between 10h15 and 11h15, the PO and the Mother Superior sauntered over for a brief chat with the Head of Keyboards (who had only positive things to say about the BW), before heading off into the village and straight to the nearest coffee shop for bacon sandwiches and a nice cup of tea : the BW, taking into account no doubt the PO's reputation for "not really being a morning person" had arranged our first interview for 11h05.

By the time we returned to the Great Hall, of course, only the most stubborn of parents were still clutching their timetables and muttering about how much more efficient proceedings would have been if everyone had respected the official timings. The rest of those present basically fell into one of two camps :

• Those, such as the PO and the MS - and I am gratified to be able to say, the Miscellaneous Other Parents - who took the whole thing in the most relaxed possible way, queuing politely, chatting with other parents,  and figuring quite reasonably that everyone would get to see the people they needed to see eventually.
• Those others, who have clearly never had to wait for anything in their lives, who regard queues as optional and other people as irritating obstacles placed on this earth with the unique objective of making their lives more difficult, and who therefore saw absolutely nothing wrong or offensive in pushing in front of the patient queuers or physically intimidating those who looked as though they might be about to attempt to slip in before them.

But enough about organisational matters. Let's be honest - what you all really want to know is :

• What did the extraterrestrials dedicated professionals say about the BW ?
• What does the PO have to say about the extraterrestrials dedicated professionals ?

Well, let's start with the second question first... Though it will no doubt come as a disappointment to many, the PO can confirm that all of the teachers had only one head (pink rather than green), two eyes (in sockets rather than on stalks), two ears (on the sides, not in their foreheads), a normal head of hair (though some considerably less than others), two arms (no tentacles), and two legs. None of them, at least as far as I could tell, had telepathic powers. All of them spoke more or less intelligible English. And they were all normally dressed - or at least as normally as one could expect of Hogwarts teachers (green tweed suits, etc.).

As for the first question, read on...

Art
The Dedicated Professional (DP) speaks : The BW is painstaking and precise. There is certainly room for more expansive expression in his work. His point drawing is fastidiously beautiful.
 
History
The DP speaks : I have high expectations and I am not here to spoon feed the children. Currently the BW is languishing in mid-table mediocrity. The quality of his content needs to be improved. Better is expected in the end of term test.
 (Note : this DP also told another set of parents that their twelve-year-old son was "not a natural historian" - visibly shocked, they were not sure how they were going to break this tragic news to him...)

Science
The DP speaks : Out of 458 points available to him so far the BW has scored 364 which corresponds to 79 per cent he was third in the class at Christmas then went down to seventh and is now up to fifth and is working well very satisfactory I am a chemist and there is therefore a certain recognisable bent towards chemistry in the topics we have covered so far this year and a little physics but not much biology though we shall be spending three weeks next term if we have time on the effects of smoking on the human body as I am extremely anti-smoking we did some experiments recently in which we caused some controlled explosions blew up the labs ha ha the boys enjoyed that of course boys will be boys [...]
 
DT
The DP speaks : Ze Boy Woonder az scored ze two hay plooses in ze last two pieces of work which is meaning zat basickerly I am not finding ze fault in ees work. I could have been taking ees deezigns and making ze piece exacterly az ee iz deescribing eet. An ze great sing eez zat ze one piece, eet is, ow you say, more teckneekal, and ze uzzer is more creeative, an ee eez doing ze excellent work on boaf. I reelly sink zat eef ee wanted ee could be aving ze DT scholarsheep.
 Note on the BW : Needless to say, we knew nothing about the BW's work in DT at all.

French
The DP speaks : Ah, bonjour, Monsieur l'Optimiste Paternel. Vous parlez français ? Bon, tout se passe très bien. Le Garçon Merveilleux est très - Oh, arm zorry, Muzzer Soupire-y-eur. I sink you too are speaking ze Frainch. Bon, ze cheeldren are doing vairy well. We speak only ze Frainch in ze class, but I am trying not to poot zem under too murch of ze pressure - we murst not be forgetting zat zey are only leetel.
Note to the BW : La plume de ma tante est dans le jardin.

Geography
The DP speaks : Geography is really a very interesting subject and we've been doing lots of very interesting things so far this year, and - [The PO and the MS interrupt]  "Yeah, yeah. Is the BW doing OK ?" - Er, yes. - "OK, thanks."
 
Drama
The DP speaks : [Erm... we didn't actually see the Drama DP. It was a question of priorities at the end of the morning, I'm afraid - Drama or English ? English or Drama ? A bit of a no-brainer, I'm sure you'll agree. But the Miscellaneous Other Parents did, and they assured us that all we needed to know was this : "They work very well together as a group."]

Latin
The DP speaks : The children love their Latin. The boys especially. Lovely chaps, the BW and Young Mr H. Terribly keen. Of course, they must do Greek next year. Just one thing. Nothing really. Barely worth mentioning. The BW needs a lesson in e-mail etiquette. "I will be missing your class as I have a music lesson" - no Dear Miss Latin DP, no signature - is not acceptable. Still he's a lovely chap.
Note to the BW :  Si qua videbuntur chartis tibi, lector, in istis sive obscura nimis sive Latina parum, non meus est error.

Maths
The DP speaks : Oh, it really is super to teach the BW. They're all such lovely children and so bright and maths is such fun and we have a really jolly time together. I've asked him to come along to these fun little sessions we have where we work on problem-solving and some more complex maths stuff and it's just great fun really, and he could definitely go a long way with his maths, but the important thing is that it's fun.
 
Religious Studies
The DP speaks : This year we are concentrating on Christianity. We're doing the life of Jesus, and we're into the last week. Who did you say your son was, again ?
 
Music
The DP speaks : Good playing. Good singing. Good composing. A talented boy in a talented group.
 
English
The DP speaks : Absolutely nothing to worry about. Great, really. Super. Marvellous. A1. Tip top. Rinky dinky doo. There's not much more I can say. Can I go now ?
The PO confesses : OK, so he didn't really say rinky dinky doo...
 

[PS : Warning to the BW, Young Mr Hoskins and anyone else reading this likely to come into contact with any of the Hogwart's DPs (and yes, that does include you, Miscellaneous Other Parents) : I think it would be unwise to share any of the above with them...]

The PO's Patented Grade Predictor

This weekend, a little later than expected, the Boy Wonder's Easter Quarter Report finally arrived from Hogwarts. As is so often the case in such situations, there is good news and less good news.

The good news is that this is certainly the best report the BW has received since he began at Hogwarts. He is understandably particularly proud of his 1A in Science, his first top grade in a purely academic subject (he previously scored one in Music).

The slightly disappointing news is that his teachers are showing clear signs of mid-year fatigue (not, I presume, exclusively as a consequence of the BW's presence in their classes, though I am prepared to admit that that might be a contributing factor), a tiredness which has manifested itself primarily in a mass retreat into the familiar old clichés of school report writing ("making good progress", "continues to work well", etc.) and a relative paucity in the creative turn of phrase department. 

The History teacher's comment that the BW "has a sharp mind and a nice turn of phrase" naturally provoked a smile and a nod of the recognition from the PO (accompanied by a small but unmistakable swell of pride ). The Master of Music's statement that "his compositions have been excellent and well above the standard expected at this stage in the course" and that of his colleague from the English department to the effect that the BW "reads with sensitivity" were equally well-received.  Indeed, the overall tone of the report is undeniably positive.

Nevertheless, there is little here to excite the keen connoisseur of teacherspeak , and the PO has to admit that even he almost missed the only true gem hidden amongst the lines of standard banalities - a gem, moreover, that he would most likely never have recognised for its true rarity value, had he not the misfortune to have a teacher for a sister and an ex-teacher for a mother. Had he not spent years listening to their nightly complaints, he would surely not have been sensitive to the blatant lack of credibility in the following comment from the BW's Maths teacher :

Classwork and preps are a delight to mark.

As any fule kno, no teacher worth his or her salt will knowingly waste an opportunity to complain about marking. And while an old-timer, ground down by years of mind-numbing routine, might perhaps lack the energy to give voice to his dislike of marking, no-one will convince me that any teacher, however young and idealistic, will ever admit to actually enjoying marking, whatever the undoubted merits of the BW's preps. So, what, the PO asks, is the Maths teacher playing at ? I think we should be told.

Of course, this report was the third in a series that has tracked the Boy Wonder's performance since his arrival at Hogwarts. And as we all know, three is the minimum sample size on which statisticians (or was it liars ? I forget) are prepared to present scientifically reliable predictions. So, without any further ado, here are the PO's predictions for the BW's next set of grades :

[Note : for each subject, the last three grades are listed, followed by the tendency perceived by the PO]

Art  (3C - 2B - 3B; variable) 2B
DT (2B - 2B - 2B; stable) 2B
Drama (3C - 3C - 2B; rising slowly) 2B
English (2B - 2B - 2B; moderate) 2B
French (3C - 3B - 3B;  occasional bright spells) 2B
Geography (3C - 2B - 2B; moderate or good) 2B
History (3C - 2B -  2B; rain, perhaps wintry in East) 2B
ICT (3C - 3C - 3C; cyclonic 5 or 6, becoming Northeasterly) 2B
Latin (1B - 2B - 2B; 5 decreasing 3 for a time) 2B
Maths (2B - 2A - 2B; moderate or good) 2B
Music (2A - 1A - 1B; gale soon) 2B
PE (2B - 3C - 3C;  perhaps gale 8 in Fisher later) 2B
RS (3B - 2B - 2A;  violent storm in Cromarty soon) 2B
Science (2B - 1B - 1A;  hurricane force in Forties imminent) 2B

Now, the more eagle-eyed amongst you may have noticed that the PO's Patented Grade Predictor has forecast the same grade in every subject. This may seem statistically unlikely, but the PO's predictions are not about statistical likelihood, they are about hard scientific fact - I could go on here at great length about the complex normalisation algorithm used to reach these results, but - no offence intended, I assure you - most of you would probably find it pretty difficult to follow.

What the BW, on the other hand, should have no trouble following is this Patented PO Platinum-Plated Pledge :

• For every subject in which the BW scores a 2B or better in his next Hogwarts report, the PO will buy him one CD of his choice.
• However, for every grade lower than 2B, the BW will forfeit one CD.
• Thus if the BW scores 7 2Bs or above and 7 grades below 2B, the net result will be zero, and he will receive no CDs.
• However, every 2B or better after the 7th is worth 2 CDs (8 minus 6 equals 2; 9-5=4; 10-4=6, etc.)
• And of course, if he scores 6 2Bs or fewer, the BW will have to prise open his wallet and start adding to the PO's CD collection...

By my reckoning, on the basis of his most recent report, the BW would have scored no fewer than six CDs (10 minus 4). The question is : is he up to the challenge ?