The Paternal Optimist

My Family And Other Animals

If you're a regular reader here, you probably think that the PO's world revolves around the Boy Wonder. And you'd be right.

There are, nevertheless, moments when it only seems right to shift the spotlight, albeit briefly, away from the Wondrous One (most of whose time is currently being spent, it seems, in rescuing damsons [sic] in distress and poking sticks at sheep lying on their backs to see whether they're dead or just gazing at the clouds) and towards some of the only marginally less wondrous characters that people the PO's world.

Like the Lovebirds, for example, who have recently moved into a compact and bijou house in idyllic Carshalton, situated in the Wandle valley, a full ten miles south-south-west of Charing Cross. Carshalton was listed amongst the assets of Geoffrey de Mandeville in the Domesday Book under the name Aulton, and, having visited the Lovebirds there last weekend, the PO can confirm that very little has changed since the following description was written :

"[...] There is a church; and 7 slaves; and 12 acres of meadow. [...] In demesne there is one plough; and (there are) 3 villens and one cottar with three ploughs; and a mill worth 35 shillings; and 3 slaves; and 10 acres of meadow. Wood worth 2 hogs. The land is for two ploughs. In the time of king Edward it was worth 4 pounds, and afterwards 40s, and now 110 shillings. Of the same hides a certain smith of the King’s has half a hide, which in the time of king Edward he received with his wife, but he has never done any service for it."

Then there are the Guitar Hero and his Songstress. You may remember that earlier this year the PO reported the exciting news that one of the songs by their band, Headlights, had been used on the soundtrack of an episode of hit TV show Grey's Anatomy (unfortunately the link to the video no longer works). Well, this Monday night, the PO was sitting in his armchair here in Switzerland, watching Grey's Anatomy when - lo and behold! - the unmistakable sound of the Songstress' heavenly voice began to float across the room.

Unable to contain his excitement, the PO immediately called his Favourite Aunt, who gave him a breathless update on everything Our American Cousins are up to (and, in passing, extended an invitation from the Medic to her graduation ceremony, which if the PO's calculations are correct, will take place two years from now), including two very exciting pieces of news about Headlights:

• First, the band's first album is out now and available here (the PO's copy, which would appear to have been the last copy left at Amazon UK, is already winging its way to Geneva now); and
• Second, the band will be on tour in Europe early next year - meaning that, with a bit of luck, the PO will get to see them perform live in some mega-stadium in Germany before he emigrates to sultrier climes at the end of February.

Exciting times indeed.

The Lovebirds : A User Guide

Some things are worth saying - or showing - twice, so, despite the fact that he has already talked about this on one of his other blogs, the PO cordially invites you to take a peek at this picture, and this one, and this one, of the luxurious suite in which Missy and the Surfer Dude will be spending their wedding night.

The PO very much enjoyed his visit to Blake's Hotel, the exclusive Anoushka Hempel-designed Kensington establishment in which the aforementioned suite is to be found. Not only did he get the chance to visit two or three of the other gorgeous rooms (any one of which he would be only too thrilled to take a Mrs PO to, if only there were a Mrs PO), but he also partook of an excellent luncheon.

Perhaps the best moment of his visit, however, came as he was standing in reception, finalising the booking. Behind him, he suddenly heard a tremendous twittering and flapping of wings. Turning round, he saw too tiny, but very beautiful birds in a splendid old-fashioned cage.

"Those aren't what I think they are ?" he asked the charming New Zealander who had been helping him.

"That depends what you think they are," she replied, demonstrating a wisdom beyond her years.

"Lovebirds ?" the PO ventured.

"That's right," our Kiwi friend confirmed, "Peach-faced lovebirds."

The PO subsequently did a little research into this feisty little member of the Agapornis family, in the course of which he came across the following, which, as anyone who knows them will doubtless agree, describes perfectly the Missy and Surfer Dude :

[Lovebirds] are full of energy,  and can be quite noisy with their endless chattering and shrill scream. [...] Lovebirds are extremely playful and a joy to watch. With their boundless energy they will swing from toy to toy, hop from perch to perch, never seeming to tire. There is nothing more comical than watching a lovebird do the "birdie splits", or playing in their water dish.

Affectionate and intelligent, Lovebirds can be taught to give kisses, step-up, wave a foot, and many other tricks.

Lovebirds also have the ability to learn to whistle and talk. They can speak with clarity and will respond to your voice with eager enthusiasm. 

Don't let their diminutive size fool you. You get all of the big bird personality in a tiny parrot.

Some pairs will build elaborate nests.

Beware, Peach-Face Lovebirds can become nippy if they are not treated with consistency and gentle guidance. Take proper care of your lovebird and you will be rewarded with many years of  companionship. [But] Lovebirds may become unfriendly if allowed to go extended periods without attention.

The PO, for one, certainly can't wait until the next time he gets to see Missy do the "birdie splits", or marvel as the Surfer Dude responds with eager enthusiasm to his voice.

There is one other piece of information, incidentally, which we may need to bear in mind :

Peach Face lovebirds are quite prolific breeders. [...] Pairs will often go back to nest as soon as the last clutch is pulled.

We have been warned...

Do You Know The Way to St Gervais ?

So farewell then, 2004. Not a bad year, all things considered, for those close to the Paternal Optimist. And a particularly good one for The Lovebirds and Boy Wonder, who rounded it off in style with a few days at the PO's here in Geneva and skiing in St Gervais, just over the mountain from the playground of the genevois jet-set, Megève.

As you can imagine, the PO had to draw on all his legendary powers of persuasion in order to tease the members of his party out of bed early enough each morning to make the most of the wonderful conditions up in the mountains : although two weeks earlier there had been virtually no snow, a good dump fell just before and just after Christmas (indeed, the Lovebirds and the BW were treated to the sight of a white Geneva when they arrived on the 28th), and the weather was perfect - no wind, glorious blue skies, dry cold air offset by a deliciously warming sun.

While the Surfer Dude took his snowboard and explored the further reaches of the domain and sought out the least-surfed routes between the trees, Missy and the Boy Wonder took lessons on Wednesday and Thursday. Then on Friday, the PO took them on a long run all the way down the mountain, which proved enough for Missy - failing to make the error so common amongst sportsmen and women at the highest level, she opted to quit at the top. Thus it was that, while the Surfer Dude, the PO and the BW returned to St Gervais for one last day on the powder, Missy preferred to remain curled up on the sofa, catching up on old episodes of Sex and the City.

As for the Boy Wonder, he picked up where he left off last year, and showing some of the stamina that took him to the Hogwarts' under-12 cross-country title a few weeks earlier, gamely followed his father wherever he led him. Evidence of his improving style can be seen here : The BW heads downhill.mov

Of course, when the BW saw this video, his immediate reaction was to say "It looks really slow. I'm sure I was going faster than that." Perhaps he will be reassured by the following photo, which proves definitively that he was going too fast for the PO's reflexes :

One or two other photos (including a particularly amusing one of the BW determined to prove that it is possible to breakdance on snow) have been added to the Boy Wonder 2004 Yearbook - and I'm sure that, like me, you are all looking forward to the 2005 Yearbook, which will be coming to a blog near you soon...

The Palazzo Lovebird

No news yet from the Lovebirds, who successfully moved into their new Palazzo at the end of last week. Apparently they are still experiencing technical problems and are not yet in radio contact with the outside world.

In the meantime, the Principal and the Recluse had the honour of being their first guests, and were treated to a sumptuous Sunday lunch, served in the vast dining-room (the Principal reliably informs me that the ceilings are twice as high as those at the Family Seat).

The Recluse also reported that the Surfer Dude will shortly be investing in a telescope, in order to make the most of the stunning views over South London and beyond. Indeed, he was unaccountably enthusiastic about the fact that from the window one could see one of the goals at Selhurst Park, home of Crystal Palace, arch-rivals of Charlton Athletic, the team the PO supported as a child and for which he still keeps a small but immaculately maintained corner of his heart.

Unfortunately, the telescope was not in place for the match between these two Premiership titans on Sunday, and the Recluse did not consequently have the pleasure of seeing Charlton's winning goal thump into the back of the Crystal Palace net in the last minute of the game.

Time To Hang Up The Trammel

Congratulations to Missy and the Surfer Dude, who will finally move into a new flat in überchic South Norwood this Friday - the Lovebirds finally get to change nest ! OK, so they're renting, but at least they'll be able to put the frustration of two expensive fallen-through-at-the-last-minute failed purchases behind them. Plus it looks like they might have climbed off the property ladder at just the right moment.

I guess I won't be around to enjoy the flat-warming party, but I hope that in my absence the Lovebirds will give a nod to Francophone tradition and celebrate accordingly by hanging up the trammel.

Now, I have to make not one, but two shameful admissions here :

1. Until this evening, I had no idea what the French expression pendaison de crémaillère (the equivalent of a house- or flat-warming party) literally meant, other than that it involved hanging something up.
2. When I looked up the word crémaillère and found that it meant trammel, I still did not know what the French expression meant.

The Free Dictionary offers the following six possible definitions for the word trammel :

1. A shackle used to teach a horse to amble.
2. Something that restricts activity, expression, or progress; a restraint.
3. A vertically set fishing net of three layers, consisting of a finely meshed net between two nets of coarse mesh.
4. An instrument for describing ellipses.
5. An instrument for gauging and adjusting parts of a machine; a tram.
6. An arrangement of links and a hook in a fireplace for raising and lowering a kettle.

Common sense clearly ruled out options 1, 2 and 3. And call me unromantic, but it seemed to me improbable that an instrument for adjusting tram-parts would play a central part in any house-warming tradition, so option 5 was immediately dismissed too. As for option 4, France may be derided by our American friends (though not, of course, Our American Cousins) as a nation of effete intellectuals, but something in my gut told me that even there it was unlikely that for centuries proud new house-owners had been celebrating their new status by hanging up instruments for drawing ellipses. No, it looked like option 6 was the one. But, gnarled old sceptic that I am, I needed confirmation. 

Sure enough, according to cuisine.tv, the tradition involves hanging something up in the fireplace, as the trammel, it transpires, was one of the few objects actually left behind when people moved house :

La crémaillère est l’un des rares objets que, par tradition, on laissait dans la cheminée lorsqu’on abandonnait sa demeure. Aujourd’hui encore, « pendre la crémaillère » reste la symbolique de la prise de possession d’un nouveau foyer…

Thus, putting the arrangement of links and hook back together in the fireplace in order to be able to boil the kettle over the fire was the symbolic gesture with which one asserted one's occupancy of a dwelling.

Incidentally, this explanation confirms definitively that we are dealing with a French tradition and not a Swiss one. Anyone who has moved into a new house or apartment in Switzerland will know that nothing is left by the previous occupants : not only do they take lightbulbs, but they take the light fittings too (leaving bare wires hanging from the ceilings), and I've even heard of people taking doorhandles and unscrewing the toilet-paper-holders from the bathroom walls.

Anyway, the PO sends his félicitations to the Lovebirds and wishes them much happiness in their new home.

The Surfer Dude vs. the Mad Professor

Exciting news, everybody ! The Surfer Dude has announced on one of his many official websites that as of August 2005 (that's just after the Lovebirds' nuptials) he will be joining the Mad Professor at the University of Illinois in Champaign-Urbana, where he will be continuing his fascinating research into debris flows and turbidity currents ! I'm sure, like me, you can't wait to hear the latest from the exciting world of sediment...

To find out more of the shocking truth about the hundred - nay, the thousand faces of Missy's betrothed, check out the Secret Lives of the Surfer Dude menu on this page - if you scroll down the left-hand sidebar, you'll find it just below the wicked music selection... 

Will the Real Surfer Dude Please Stand Up

Following my visit to London last weekend, during which the Surfer Dude finally plucked up the courage to pop me the question that Missy has apparently been pushing him to put to me for several weeks, I am delighted to confirm that I will be playing an official role in the Lovebirds’ nuptials, which have been set for July 29th next year. And I am not talking about that of bridesmaid or Matron of Honour.

I must admit that the request came as a total surprise. I am, of course, honoured. But it seems ever so slightly bizarre that my first performance, if I can call it that, as Best Man will come two weeks after I pass the big four-o, and that I shall be BM not to a childhood friend, nor to a work colleague of many years’ standing, but to my sister’s betrothed.

Now, for those of you who are not aware of the fact, the Surfer Dude is a Kiwi. He is, therefore, far, far from home, and I am not so obtuse as to imagine that my appointment is entirely unrelated to this fact. It must have seemed a moment of genuine inspiration when the Lovebirds hit on me as the ideal candidate to be the Dude’s Best Man. The only things vaguely salacious I know about his past are those snippets he has been careless enough to let slip after the third or fourth glass of wine over dinner and I know none of his friends, past or present. I don’t even know the address of his business establishment. In other words, in theory the only material I have to work with has been through a prior vetting and filtering process by Missy.

Or has it ?

Once again, I find myself turning to the wonders of modern technology and the information superhighway. Or to be precise, to my old and trusted friend Google. All I have to do is to type the Surfer Dude’s real name into my favourite search engine and whoosh ! – in mere nanoseconds I have all the dirt I could ever need, and more.

Now, obviously I don’t want to spoil things and give away all of the best stuff I have found now. But here’s a little taster of the kind of information – complete with wacky anecdote - to which those of you lucky enough to attend the Wedding of the Century will be treated. And remember, I found it on the internet, here, so it must be true :

[The Surfer Dude] is a former atheist and evolutionist, now a great Bible-defending communicator! [He] began his teaching career as a non-Christian and evolutionist. The details of his spiritual and scientific conversion, From Evolution to Creation (available in pamphlet form and videocassette), include comic incidents. For example, he was a participant in a debate where his science department,­ defending the Bible,­ debated the Bible department ­- which was defending evolution !

Mixed news from the Home Front

The Boy Wonder called this afternoon - he got back last night from a week in Cornwall with his Mum, sister and little brother Schmoo. It seems they had a fabulous week staying in a cottage (No. 1, Watergate), visiting the Eden Project (where apparently the BW's recent Asian experiences enabled him to identify some of the more exotic flora), Looe, Truro and St Ives, as well as going on walks on the beach and in the countryside.

Astonishingly, especially for the PO, as he pays the BW's school fees, he now has another week off, presumably to recover from the stress and exertions of the first. Still, at least it will give him time to catch up on his piano practice.